hmm luxury is not an option for me..

hmm let's see..
im broke.. again.. im left w 20 bucks till end of feb!!
i hope somewhere in the mid week i get surprise money or sumthin..
hmm.. i was this time and for real prepared myself to tender resignation..
then, ( see this happens evrytime i take out a pen or made up my mind to quit mcd which held me in mcd for the past 3 yrs)

the msg came..
"riyan and christine.. better get ready for my verification. All homework (me.. none done!) need to be done by the time i come. Read store email.." fr kamsiyah (my SAE)

damned.
how nie? i havent done anything as mcd mgrs never gave me a chance to do my job.. and i never had a chance to see myself bloom.. the are so kulit ppl.. christine had done evrything but she is one stress wrecked person. me im ok, im am confident but theory werk ive not done anything.

___________________________________________________________

ok enuf werk talk..
im currently surveying and findin a new job..
help mie ppl.. i wanna werk!!! somewhere.. NO FNB..
NO FULLTYME and NO NETWORK MARKETING!!!

wtevr..
ok here's wad happen tday..
in schl evryone was so moody.. whole dae ive been with the gerls laughing our ass off the jokes we made up..

i had a lot to eat though but i was really into apple juice.. esp red apple.. eyla loved green apple juice..
she's likes sour apples. me, really depends on my mood. i loved red apple juice though.. yummy.. haha..
ok.. after we had our brunch, we headed to the MPH and played handball.. crap i was so sweating sooo much, actualli i didnt want to play at all.. wasnt in the mood.. is it the weather?
hmm.. then lesson ended and that's it evryone started to mind their own business.. no one went for aerobics.. that's a piss off.. ayin met mar, eyla went home, me went home then i got a call from chee keong.. hehe.. to the rescue.. he saved me from a 5 min boring train ride home.. wasnt in the mood to tok to kip la.. im so "i-dont-wanna-tok-to-hym-right-now"..
got home, msn wif chee keong and then he went off and i fell asleep. deep sleep. really tired.

then got a call from yangyang.. he called me and demanded to come at jrg point that instant.
omg! i got a hangover and it hurts all over plus the bruise i got from mamad when we knocked on our wrists while i was reaching out to hold on to the grab pole of the MRT.. damn i have a contusion..
it still hurts.. anyone can urut for me.. pweesshhh.. i can do it myself coz once it hurts i will back out.. haha.. ferst tyme kan.. haha..
ok so he bought liyang a ______ for her which is so _______ and beautiful.. so sweet.. but it wasnt her size.. damned.. hahaha..
hmm the cashier gerl was cute her name was nicole lim.. that's hot! haha.. instant crush..
then we he presented her the gift.. hmmm i become "why-am-i-single?" again..

damned.. guess i'll alwaes be..
hmm sumone asked me why i didnt wan to have a gf.. hmm i have no idea.. no luck.. so i guess i'll just grow old a bujang.. die alone.. no children.. there's always adoption.. for a single dad? hmm heard of single mum adoption but never a single dad adoption.. no wife? i always dreamt of having a wife to love.. someone beautiful and caring.. hmm..
when am i gonna go dating to find a "potential wife"?
wtver..

*-------*jiwang moment*-------*
as far as i know i am in so called 'love' wif tt someone.. am i really in love or not? or is it just me n myself and my own delusion?
hmm ___ claimed a lot of things..
but never preach of wad is saed..
made promises to me and then breaks it in my face..
me.,. im a shadow lover.. shadowed.. never noticed by you..
u never wanted to notice me.. never did took the time of day to actualli spend the whole dae wif me...
it's alwaes about you and tt other someone.. for tt person you are willing to die for.. but me.. im here.. willing to die for you but you never want to acknowledge that..
i know we have differences but we have a lot in common..
you always get tt someone evrything even if u cant afford the money, the effort the tyme..
things that im alreadi getting for you..
evrydae i cant sleep becoz of you.. i can eat properly becoz of you.. i can do thing properly becoz of you.. you've spoilt me, fed me, gave me love but you disown me the moment you meet that someone..,.
i treat you as precious as my bestfrens.. thy are indeed the best thing tt happen to me..
but you are the evrythin that i cant get.. you are the one i want to love.. you are the answer to my evry prayers..
you are the ONE.. but it seems im the onli one tt is on at this.. you are exactly the reason why i am single all this while.. you are the torturer of my hart.. you are the answers to why im hurting evry nite.. the music to the dance that im dancing to but the music doesnt play for me but for tt someone.,.
you are a hypocrite.. hate it soo much tt i love you..
tried so hard to forget you, just make you a fren but u are alwaes the one tt shines.. even brighter than my family, my bestfrens and evrything else i have...
you are the light in the darkness i have been in all this while but you shut me out thanks to tt someone..
what kind of person are you.. and youve even cheated while you are with tt someone.. wtf is tt..
im hurt by you.. thanks for evrything.. now ive got to move on and numb myself real bad..

i know my place.. im not made for you... my love.. god is punishing me.. and im taking it in wholeheartedly.. i deserved this..
hmm..
but god is not all bad..
he granted me bestfriends that i'll never forget and will alwaes treasure..
love you guys so much..
Love is not an option or a chance for me to take..but a series of unfortunate things that i have to face in life.. will i ever truly find tt LOVER of mine? when my hart will alwaes be wif you?
i want to somedae die for tt someone.. love her.. have children with her.. be a good father for our kids..
guess i'll never get my dreams..

This explains well:

*-------------* end of jiwangs *----------------*

besties out there.. dun wori.. im ok.. sad but ok..
imagine this happened plus all the bad things tt happend to me lately..
been at this since NOV 07.. wat a year huh.. to tt someone in my hart.. i hate you yet i love you, you'll alwaes be in my hart but i have to move on.. love is vast and i wanna spread my love to evryone i know.. not just you anymore.. you take it for granted even when ure not around. the object of my affection.. hmm..

so still think im a loser?
haha
i find myself a loser..

hmm
now ayul is gg to resvc lakk..
sad sey wont get to see hym for 3 weeks till 7th mar..
hmm the person tt i turn to so much..
hmm idiot hym.. haha
make me wekk..

hmm oh yar.. cont wif my story..
yangyang blanjered me food..
he saed " this is something small for evrything you've done for me.."
he made me wekk.. haha.. really touched my hart to hear tt from hym..
LJS.. i was full but i just went wif the flow.. as he is famished..
ciann dier..
hmm..
then went off to send liyang home..

hmm thurs he'll be meeting her again..
damned luks like im gnna miz out JUMPER uh nie..
damned..
nvm la..
anw i wanna watch PS I LOVE YOU..
anyone can watch it wif me?
if possible yangyang go wif me la.. i wanna watch it.. haha
with anyone also can..

i heard it's hart warming..
hmm mushy2 again...
hahah
things i'll never feel..

kla signing off..