The Dey.

Tomorrow is the day the FT-kins are meeting up at Bukit Batok
for a mini reunion.. CGC-CGR reunion..
As usual the planners are never different. It's always me n Eyla..
Whu would thought that hearing Ayul's voice made me teared up..
That is how much i miss him. Hearing him disturbing me again really touched me
and shreded my heart into pieces, of course in a good way..
I miss you bro.

Hmm.. hearing the other's wanting to spend time with us again really is music to the ears...
hmm to top it off, mR M is cming to visit me at ma attachment place.. Errr scary much?
I just hope ma coach give me two thumbs up.. Coz.. i wanna go poly... please....
can i can i can i??
Need to maintain that 3.7 GPA and just maintain a good record for now..
Hmm lately also i've not been paying attention to Eyla.. haiyoyoh..
tak per.. this 'reunion' is for you to own me. Im yours for the day..
DROWN ME WITH UR NONSENSE!!!! LOL...

Hmm.. Problems after problems came along..
My sleep is getting much more violent and out of my control..
the reason is here.. scary but it's here.. i'll explain..
I've ended up with a painfully internal bruising of the palm, several minor bruises
on my arms and hands, scratches and cuts on my forearm and bruises all over my body..
It seems that evry night when i sleep i am subconciously hitting, throwing my phone to the floor, actually answering a phone call, saying hello but to no one, or sending sms to random people, typing "xakfdnkjlnefnnjnrefc3423rjsnfn"......
Even punching, standing up, sitting down, kicking or biting involuntarily.. I always wake up finding myself in a awkward position..

Days back, i caught my own hands inside the sofabed's wood. all scratched up.. the part where the bed folds, has a hole. That hole has thick sharp wood in it.
I actually put my hand in it and when i felt pain, i noticed my hand were inside the sofabed as if i lost something and trying to find it..

It started weeks back... i removed the sliding door of my bedroom cupboard the day after... it when i i felt my cupboard door falling onto me. not once quite a number of times..
i woke up, fixed it back and went back to sleep...

the last one i couldnt take it becoz it fell right on top of my chest while im sleeping.. it was damned painful la..
and the cause of it is in my sleep, i've been kicking it as if im kicking a padding..
Now i know why i wake up with painful foot sometime.

So far ive never really paid attention to my violent sleeping patterns until lately as it got worse and worse where im caught in between being concious and asleep. Yesterday night itself, i woke up, standing in the kitchen. How scary was that? Ive never never never remembered sleepwalking nor i been to the kitchen. But i was in the kitchen, trying to open the fridge and it was the temperature of the opened up fridge woke me up. i was shocked but i didnt pay much attention to it and went back to sleep.

i tot maybe im too tired but sometimes if i happen to sleep in a bus during day time, i notice i did this things sometime but not as terok as night time... it's just shaking my legs... not that bad la..

I felt something not right so i decided to get help... i need explaination..
I called up 'her' and asked her what is happening?
This few weeks has been hell for me, im ever sleeping but is always tired..
'She' saed, ive been ganggu-ed. Ader gangguan.. She said there is something about me this 'thing' likes..
Some stupid thing that has 7 faces or something...

Here we go again.. i tot dis crap has died off.. never to bother me again.. NOW it's back to disturb me? Whatever did i do to it for me to deserve this? wretched whatever you are la!!!
You caused me so much trouble!
Now i have to go to 'her' to get my protection or i'm never gonna sleep properly...
I HATE THIS! I HATE THIS!!!!!!
DAmned you la!
You cause me soooo much misery..
Jangan i find out nie antaran orang... itu orang aku abeskan la!! ARGH!!

First my mum.. now me?? No wonder my mum's eyes gets bloody red and teary all this while..
i got her to do Al-nas and Al-falaq, it worked.. her eyes are back to normal now..
i think imma try it out myself..

Ryan out!

Bridges

Building bridges is never easy..
You need strong timber,
powerful nails,
good builders,
a perfect coating of paint...
all,
for the bridge's stability and maintainence..

In doing so,
you have to have:
Faith
Patience
Peserverence..

If the bridge is life,
you're the timber, the life you choose,
the nails are the frens or kins you are with
the builders are your parents and yourself
and a perfect coating would be 'nur' from God...

This bridge is going to be
the passage for you to peace and righteousness..
have faith my frens
coz evry now and then,
there are destroyers... the enemies..

like:
the strong wind,
heavy rain,
the raging flood,
OR
woodlouses or termites...

Use a good foundation and you'll still stand tall..
Be sure of yourself..
Dont make enemies make you fall and tremble into dusts....

Ryan Out!

Kalau dua yang bertanya, yang mana satukah harus hancur hatinya?

Kalau di dalam situasi seperti ini..

2 insan telah meluahkan cintanya kepadamu..

Yang satu, selama ini kamu mencintainya, kakaknya,

tetapi dia penah menyakitimu...

Yang lagi satu adiknya.. Selama ini dialah sahabat paling baik anda

dan juga telah meluahkan cintanya

kepadamu tetapi kamu tak pernah ada perasaan padanya tetapi bila sudah diluahkan,

akhrinya kamu mencintainya...

Siapakah yang harus kamu menghacurkan supaya yang

sebaiknya akan bahagia bersamamu?

Dan akankah adik beradik ini pergaduhan??

Bergaduhan kerna dirimu...

Sanggupkah kamu untuk membuat sedemikian untuk merasai cinta sejati

yang antara satu mereka yang boleh memberimu...

Jawablah dengan hati terbuka..

Aku perlu pandanganmu...

Ryan Out!

Aku insaf...

Hmm.. today went to class..
Ive decided to respect his decision and give him space.
I dont wanna offend him much further.
I went to class and studied only. But seeing him is a sight for sore eyes la.
I tried to maintain a respectable distance.
I hope he forgives me....
Allahuma'i my friend.....

And~..
I forgot i didnt have books.. At first i panic sey..
i was lyke darn ma dad tak belikan..

Naseb baek someone was nice enough to offer to share his books.
May God bless you my friend. I dont know his name tho..
One thing about madrasah is.. There's no bully and no prejudice...
Semua datang with the same thinking to graduate sucessfully..
We are equals there.. *i think la*
so all will study hard.. i hope so.. i tot evryone was smarter than me.
apparently there are people that are just as clueless as me.

Insyallah whatever the uztaz teach i am able to absorb,
coz i have a problem with jawi and arab.
I hope God gives me the ability to absorb evrything.
I hope uztazah can guide me to read the Quran and finish (katam) it by this year?
hee..

My new resolution.. *to read Quran wout gagap-ing!!*
Insyallah i will.. she's a good uztazah.. just 2 weeks and im in Iqra 4.
Syukur kan... hee..
LOL...
I hope i can be what the uztaz said you can be.. hehe.. a debator in islam to
prove to the kafirs that we are the right way to God.
Insyallah maybe thru me ramai lagi akan memeluk agama yang mulia ini..
*chey* insyallah.......

Hmm.. maybe i get to marry "her"..
LOL.
but... i must find a way to make her nice and more solehah la..
and... make her love me.. that's the ferst step...
orang da gatal nak kahwin la katerkan..
tapi belom jumpe jodoh camner?
dapat jumpe satu, da ade yang punye..
jumpe lagi satu.. dier telah berjauhan...
yang ini, i wanna try make it work..
pray hard i get to be with her kkkkkkkk?
LOL..
cousin knows whu... right2?
shh...
now's not the time yet...

Ryan Out!

I regret. I'm sorry my friend..

I've realised my mistake and i hope my friend forgive me.
If i were what you thought I were, wouldnt i have done it a long time ago?
why now would i wanna show ma true colours..
I know what i did was wrong. It was unintentional.
It was a stupid mistake that happened consecutively that particular time of the day,
where im half-concious and half-not.. im in a dazed state.. and i truly regret it.
I know i've hurt and offended you...
I always seem to screw up dont i??
im such a screw-up...
hmmm...
I have came out with the reason behind that mistakes and you know why it happened
and i hope you forgive me..
i truly do.
please......





I am sorry and i truly regret all my actions...
I beg of you...
Please forgive me..

Grey area..

On one hand, im lyke estatic that i've passed ma TP at ma ferst trial..

total demerit? 18 points!!!

that was close..

-

celebrated it with my ma mum cum her bdae celebration

and celebrated with bestfriend.

-

-

-

and on the other im having mixed messages.

i hope ive done nothing bad that i may regret later.

-

-

-

did i?

or didnt i?

coz i think i did..

and, i think i did bad but not intentionally..

hmm... i regret....

-

-

cut the suspense please..

--

-

Ryan out.

I need a time-out.. from? -THE WERLD.

Lately classmates have been giving me phonecalls or/and even uncessary

text messages..

Cmon la ppl... get a lyfe.. im in my most busiest part of my life..

not that i dun miss all of you, i do but im exhausted from starting out at a new job,

TP round the corner, silat in my peak,

going to classes..

and~~

-

-

-

im having difficulties spending time with ma bestfrens and that cuts.

but i managed to spend tyme with the hearts, ryin n sherri and of course ma true bro...

that's important and that's enough i guess, for now...

even taking a part of my time to be with family is kinda strickened...

-

-

-

nonetheless mummy and mak long riped a year older..

both has the same birthday,

11 JAN 2009..

HAPPY BDAE IBUKU!!!

HAPPY BDAE MAK LONG!!!

-

-

-

Hopefully the year of the OX is beneficial for both of you..

Me n bro got her a present..

she was so touched..

we love our ibu mah...

kan kan?

*bro, think fast*

e'hem e'hem...

LOL...

-

-

-

Hmm silat is never better only that day when

a certain friend sparred with me and due to his lightweight, was sent

flying around the gelanggang, he seemed kinda "pissed off" after sparring..

I totally lost ma cool and went 'phoenix' as one of his kicks

hit ma jaw and cut ma tongue..

Alamak.. Sorry dude...

Today's trg tho is mega fun!!

what was supposed to be a blocking movement turned into bantingans as

ma fellow co-silat friends were lightweights... LOL..

-

-

Till here then..

Ryan Out!

Alhamdulilah... So far so good.. But some thing i have to share.

It's been the end of week one of 2009 and things are pretty much good.
It's going the way i wanted it to. Sort of.

Hmm watching videos of the famous Ahmad Deedat or Dr Zakir Naik or, even simple youtube videos done by Islam converts really make you think twice about your religion. These people breathes ISLAM! It puts us to shame as born muslims and we're behaving like the murtads or worst the kafirs. What is that?

We see day in and day out, muslims drink in public face, clubs and/or even swear in public.
Cursing their mothers, fathers, daughters, sons or even the one they dedicated their heart to, their wives or husbands...
What's worst if they're being questioned about the religion and they say "Ahhh, i dont give a damn, im not ready to be a proper muslim yet. My time is not here yet."

My question to you is, "When? When are you going to embrace our beloved religion?"
Perhaps...
Till you see a loved one pass on? Are you willing to sacrifice your heart for your salvation?
If so, how many loved ones must kick the bucket before your eyes can be opened and actually realise that "Hey time is running out!"???

Im not perfect. Im not saying that i am. But I know my limits. I have principles. I have my stand.
Im still learning. No doubt im already reaching my late teens but at least God gave me hidayah to actually THINK and SEE what is happening to my surrounding situations...
That's why im learing back the ways of my religion. Going madrasah n mengaji...

PAst is that:
Each day as i am lazy to beribadah, He takes away bits and pieces of the things i need in life.
Each day that i feel, IM LONELY. My heart is empty.
I dont feel loved.
So, a typical person.. "Lonely? Go clubbing uh can find girls/guys!!"

YUP! Do that exactly. Not only you're empty, you fill your life with more sins..
Kene ingat.. Satu hari kite kene tanggung kesemua dosa2 nie.. It wont just vanish!
Remeber, you will be judge on the day of Judgement... Nak ke masok neraka?
It's enough that you're flaunting your aurat... it's enough that you're allowing fornication as a part of your life.. some even had to have a bastard created amidst the "love scene" they have with their partners... *sayang lagi budak tu... anak haram, the new trend!*
On top of that, you club, drink and literally FORGET your kewajiban!
Wow. Dosanye bertepek2 la...

Yang da pakai tudung or orang yang salu sembahyang la pulak...
Bila Someone is having a discussion about religion...
Waa... Dier maha pandai! Berbual tak beralas...
Kalau boleh nak hapuskan orang2 nie... How dare you insult ma religion....
HYPOCRITES!
Aku orang Islamlah katerkan~...

And there they are.. Plucking eyebrow... Tattoed.. Pierced all over macam lembu..
Best part.. Meraba2 mataernye... IN FRONT OF OTHERS MIND YOU...
Yang boleh awardkan "Best Perfomance by a Juvenile Artist"
BUAT VIDEO.................... Dengan tudungnye nie......... DALAM MASJID!!!
Budak2 madrasah tercontoh tu namernyer.....
Waa... Bestnye...

Hmm while there's time people, repent.
I know people are going to read this and curse, criticise and whatever to me.
But this is the truth, if not i wont say..

Ryan OUt!

Day 2 of the new year. Samer jugak.

Hmm.. Not exactly happy with the new year la. Not necessarily a bad thing, just that im not enjoying as much. Im sickly. Got better, but became sickly yet again.
Now having cough and irregular sore-eyes "attack" hmm... i dont get it~. Asik sick je....

Wanna go doc, no cash.
Cash? have to wait for parents..
Parent's pay? Not in yet.
Damned la..
mungkin ini dugaan kecil untukku?
hmm.. ku trime.
then ma TP is in days time and im afraid of it. i wanna pass.....
Can pray for me people?
i wanna pass it at one try as i cant afford retakes. im broke and i dont have a job.
difficult to get one. seriuosly.. recession is such an a**. economy is down.. haiyoh..

Again.. it's dugaan nye.. trime je..
hmm.. let's see. Ive been scrutinising and blog hopping and perhaps
i have read some things that im not happy about. People talking about self-pity or
their never-will-be-good love life or life itself..
OR best part.. trying to woo the person they "LOVE"...
Where have i heard that one b4?
Oh ya.. MAny apparently... tolong la.. tau malu sikit boleh tak?
kalo ader jodoh, tak kemana la.. Day in day out trying to please the one you claim
you love.. Trying so hard...
GROW UP LA...

And what's that? You are busy till you dont have time for others?
and, you get angry when others dont have the time of day to spend with you??
YOU, are no longer 15! It's time to look around and grow up.
you are not the only ones that is busy, evryone else is.
Doesnt have to be busy with work. People have commitments.. Families and friends.
Try to have a heart and think about that. Maybe your life wouldnt be so MISERABLE!
Pfffft!! Seriously..

Ryan OUT!

Happy New Year... Welcome 2009!

The New Year is here..

-

2009

-

Hmm happy wishes to all...

i dont celebrate the new year.. never ever did since last year...

Aku tak jakon macam segelintir manusia yang hidup dalam hidupku..

aku tak jakon untuk pergi ke daerah-daerah town just to see "Bunga Api"...

How many offers have i gotten?

Many.

Please la. Korang nie macam Bodoh!

Pelakos sangat nak tengok bunga api...

I mean c'mon la.. It's fireworks year in and year out...

plus it's way more too common nowadays..

Rayer: Bunga Api...

New Year: Bunga Api...

CNY: Bunga Api..

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My New Year's Resolution will make people think i've changed for the worse.

As it involves me not being as active as i used to be.

I am going to literally extract people i dont need in my life.

Those who often lead me to create sins or those who think they're are my friends,

i'm telling you off, if you're not.

Coz you wanna be friends with me, prove yourself worthy of it.

make me love you.

I dont believe in casual friends.

coz the friendship is never based on trust.

that's y i only have a true bestfriend a several very very close BFFs.

and in rgards to my family,

Im staying NEUTRAL. Even in 2009....

-

-

to end year 2008,

i wish you all the best..

Assalammualaikum...

Ryan OUt!