i am happy...weee..

just got back from j.point..
went shopping wif mamad n yana..
haha..this tyme i brought my sister desy along..
kinda irritating daa..
one thing if i bring children out, i get worried fast..
haha..
mamad had to reassure her safety evry now and then..
when yana came then i was worry free..
haha.. she's a natural babysitter.. thanks yana..
haha... hmmm i bought shoes, slippers from bata and mp3 samsung from harvey norman..
wee... im soo excited.. my mummy blanja..
haha.. darn it ayul cant join us..
it'll be twice as fun..

we went for dinner then chill here and there went to kiddy palace..
bought sweets.. push pops to be exact..
we had funnn...

hmm..
then we went to pasar malam..
i bought ayul arsenal mousepad..
i was in love wif it.. but i dun need mousepad..
im using touchpad on laptop..
i hope he likes it..
haha.. thinkin of arsenal..
i miz disturbing hym about 'arsenal sux'
wawawa.. no la dude.. i like arsenal oso..
haaha..
u've manage to convert me into a arsenal fan..
hahaha..

hmm..
then mamad sent yana home..
on the wae he's gonna meet ayul and pass my gift..
haha.. im excited.. i hope he likes it..
thx mad n yana for spending time wif me..
love u guys so much..
muax.. haha..

im tired..
im loading songs..
haha..
hmm...
im signing off.. bubbye peepz..

"You should control your negative impetus, as you could find out that people around you do not tolerate your behavior and could leave you alone. At work, you will gradually solve problems that have tormented you lately. In Love, you should be kinder to your partner."
quoted from my horoscope.. for today..

am i too negative?
hmm..
i didnt think so but ouh well..
today we ended xtra earli..
i was rather irritated today.. plus the hot weather summore..

hmm..
ok.. i janji melayu w ayul coz the bus i was waeting for took hours to reach..
so i told hym to go off first and decided to go schl wif bimbreyla..
then she paitao me.. E.P!!
haha.. she saed she was hungry..
hmm then go sl alone lorr..
then in class azlan tok abt boring stuff..
as usual..

then we went to IMM and had our lunch..
i had laksa..
omg the cockles were amazing!!
then we went off to class..

yet again.. boring stuff..
then azlan ended the class earli..
mariam was sleeping in the class.. they decieded to punk'd her..
so we switvhed off the lights n stuff.. closed the door and
then i went home..
dun know what happened..
cant be bothered la..
i guess if ure tt bitchy wif others, they'll be like tt to you lor..
no comments uh..

then ayul, ayin, mekk and bimbreyla decided to go town..
then i was like tired n lazy but i want to go but haix..
never go lorr..
went home lorr..
the the camp camelot person named sina called..
ahe wanted me to werk 11 feb to 13 feb..
schl dae!!!
how like tt?
mon - wed..
i quickly called ayul and inform him..

apparently they onli called me.. onli!
wtf..
i told her la.. i cant unless it's a weekend thingy or frm fridae till sundae kinda thing absolutely..
wtf.. camp on weekdaes?
mcm bodoh rite?
beh tt fiza MDIS also smsed..
me n q will be werking 9th sat n 10th sun
9th-12pm
10th-3pm..
hab to paitao mcd alry..
haha..
dun know wat the job is.. darn!

hmm im signing off i wanna take a cat nap uh..

haha.. im healed.. again.. after seeing my BFFs!

hmm..

ok my previuos post was rather depressing aint it?

dun worri.. im healed..

just now just got back from the mcd pmall..



ard 6 plus to 7, mamad came over to my place..

i woke up from a tiring unplanned sleep.. hmm sleeping is unplanned and tiring rite.. duh!

haha..

ok. i woke up wif a hangover, and hab to layan a guest..

omg.. hostessing wif a hangover? not a gud idea..

pain sia... like ive been smacked by a saucepan..



then we ate and stuff and i had to cancel plans to see ayul play at jrg stadium

wif kak sayuri..

1st: im tired n have a hangover..

2nd: im aching all over!



so sorri kak sayuri n abg ayul..

hmm..

then when i watched movie and stuff, after i showered and stuff,

mamad decided to see ayul at the stadium..

i was a bit reluctant..

my head literally was spinning.. cant focus properly..

i almost fell jus now..kpale da pening..

my legs aching.. damn...



then we did an impromtu visit..

we culdnt find hym.. when we decided to leave, ayul called..

then my headache stroke again..

damn..

i was quiet thruout sia..

then kak sayuri was like there, asking me why nvr text tt im cmg..

sorri la kak.. impromtu sia..

plue the headache's not helping..



as im typing the headache hurts...

ishk!



hmm anw we got to mcd, then they wanted us to waet while they took out cash..

then ayul wanted to head off coz it;s late..

then i agreed la..

coz i wanna go hum and down some meds..

mamad, was damn sleepy and wanted to head home..

so it was a good timing though we would have sat there and parasite off their fries..

wawawaw..

hmm im gg against my diet!!

damn..



kla.. tk lei angkat uh nie pening..

im logging off...

guilty or not guilty?

hmm so many things happened lately and i has got me thinkin..
am i doing the wrong things to the wrong people?
ive been having cold shoulders tossed at me tyme and again lately..
from my point of view, ive been doing the best to impress my BFFs...
but it seems im doing something that doesnt please them..
ok la.. wat i sense may jus be my imagination..
but i feel that im practically making evryone hate me..

i so do not like this version of me..
is healing from the depression i had doing this, makin me extra insensitive to my BFFs feelings?
i got it from my mum, dad, siblings, my classmates, my teachers, my boss, the mgrs, my coworkers, my cousins, people in general..and now the people i love and cherish..my BFFs..the werld!
wtf is wrong with me?
im practically heartbroken right now..

hmm feel like i wanna break down sia.. im damn broke, my family's broke..
is it just me or am i going the extra mile to destroy my own life?
hmm practically hiding the stupid depression i have..
stupid stupid depression..
i dun know where it came from...
partially frm my grams? school? maybe..
i dont know..
it seems im confused..
im depressed..
im trying my best to feel happy..
all i can have is anger and sadness..

life really fell flat on my face isnt it?
this damn feelin is beyond me..
i cant control it..
i wanna cry la now..

hmm
i tot venting it help would help me run away..
but the problems kept me down la..
hmm.. now veri kecik ati liao..

nvm.. maybe im the sort who doesnt deserve happyness la..
i cant seem to find it anymore..
i feel so alone..

signing off uh.. :(

bad dae n gud dae...

Hmm today schl was a total diasaster..
Azlan never come to school.. class was distraughted!
it was a wreck, a total waste of tyme..
Carine told us to do the HFA upper body n lower body test to coverup for the tyme, instead of us oitering n making noise..
but nobody heeded her.. wat do u expect? my class, CGC is like tt..
kinda hate them..
but hey.. im gonna be STUCK wif them for like till Apr 2009.. so.
ive gotta bear with it..
Actualli i wanted to do as ive prepared evrthing else.. except prepare n practise for conducting the whole trainer stuff..
i wasnt readi,.

wad we did was go down, tok here n there,
then went up as ayul wanted to watch AFV on ch 5..
yep! our gym has tv! and has channel 5! amazing huh..
when we heard.. THUMP! THUMP! THUMP!
i turned and look..
Ms carine was outrageoues.. She threw evryone's bag out of the gym!
evryone's and took the tyme to consider wheter to throw mine or not..
tt's where i managed to grab and save my bag!
----------------------------------------------------------------
the reason: she had conducted a disciplinary case and done bag spot checks and prob found something tt's jeopardising our fitness department;s image...eg: cigarettes, condom, etc.. I wonder why these idiots wants to bring such things to schl..
and we're there watchin tv... so burned her up la...
**plus we found out it was arip and mariam who's the PAUTO bitches!
never learnt uh! babi!
----------------------------------------------------------------

I swore im gonna get even wif them one wae or another..
i swear revenge uh!!!

hmm.. enuf bout idiots..
ok see we went to the shop outside the school and had chicken rice..
our tulang was cancelled because the idiots who planned the whole thing not sure la wad la,, and my frens can faithfully waet for their instructions.. i mean it totally pissed me off la... how stupid can you ppl be man.. we practically wasted tyme waeting for these fcukers.. nk tngok motor la wad la.. for goodness sake's prioritize la.. izuaan, yoos and debbie had class wad ltr.. they cant possibly waet n waste tyme ryte? i for one hate it if ppl like to waste my tyme.. it burns me up!
Nk tnggu them convincing these three to follow je da makan maser.. finally hyrul stepped up and took charge, when to chix rice stall n we all had our lunch there..

then we went to librabry to read sum books, the book im suppose to read tk terbacer! haha.,.

anywae, went to clementi.. i had the aerobic-dance thingy..
the instructor kak pa, arip n zetti..
b4 the class we did some cam-whoring.,..
then started.. the NCT students da la tk motivated, then kak pa thay all 'taught' the dance steps like as if we're dancers and for tt matter like we know the dance steps..
dance so fast again n again abeh tk ajar kiter..
then we like bodoh2 there stand dun know anything..
wtever la..
then after tt i was famished!
went to the canteen, bought lo mai kai n tom yam noodle wif egg,
was still hungry la but didnt entertain...
then quickly dashed to MRT.. im meeting mamad..

tt sumone jeles coz i had sumone expecting me to mit n not hym..
wtevr la loser!
whuever u are la..

hmm i took train and met mamad.. wif my legs still hurting from silat the dae before..
hmm.. gr8 trg kn...
haha... eyla, rather vigorous la.. esp for me.. hahaha..

hmm.. when i met hym we went ard window shopping..
then went home.. walked home.. twice in a week liao..
ok la.. excercise a bit..at least better than wat he suggested... upper body trg at the gym..
ahaha.. when im aching all over and im still not well plus the laziness i have.. hahaha
i turned it down la but we did share a gr8 tyme toking..

got hum, we each took turn to shower..
both of us were literally soaked up wif sweat!
eeewww... i hate the weather la.. haix,,
after shower, he showed me the shoulder pain he had since morning..
standard uh.. masseuss riyan to the rescue...
i massaged him... all over the body, his body is blood red..
good sign..
tt means he;s blood is flowing n i did pecahkn the air in the body,
list of my non-paying customers: eyla, ayin ahlau (full body-tyme n again) and sum of my classmates.. my top one is yan la..
haha..probably the most muscular and the most energy used other then ahlau..
then i got him to rest and waited for ahlau then he P us..
then we watched Heroes season 2...
then he left for home.. i didnt sent hym home la.. i wanted to finish my Heroes..

then logged in and msn w eyla sayuri n ahlau..
i cnt believe tt bloke actualli forgotten his' monthvesarry!!!
haha
so funni...
i told hym im gnna steal his wifey, then he got defensive...
hahaha
tau pon! haha

k la im now super sleepy...

riyan signing off...

hmm.. things tt happen tday..

My Bestest Best Frens Yan n Hyrul..

hmm.. woke up damn late for school..

class starts at 9am.. i woke up.......9!!!

haha.. quickly dressed up, ayul n q and asked me to come and hurried up..

i did la.. when was going to the MRT je.. met my old fren, harizan..

-----reminise into the past for a while k..-------

Used to be sooo damn close.. me, hym n hazmi..

we even called ourselves Far-mi-zan.. had our own symbol somemore..

dun know la.. pasal nonok both of them deserted me.. like i saed to mamad n ayul...

" i never forget a fren and i'll never leave one. They forget and leave me.."

Now think... Think of wad my feelings would be, torn and separeted by my best buds because of the females they love..

Willing ti sacrifice frenship for nonok.. im v dissapointed wif them.. realli..

i guess ur priority changes once u got a 'mataer' huh.. well.. i know my place la..

i told them.. "i can tell and i know when im no longer wanted around" and left... 2 years later they still treat me as if all this never happend.. hypocrites!

suckky past life isnt it.. tt's why i have probs trustin ppl..haix..

---------------------

hmm.. okok back to my story. reached BB at 10.05am..

hugged and shook hands w evryone.. and Carine wasnt there.. hmm saved my ass.. haha..

then me ayul, ayin, pisang n bobot went to al-ameen and ate and ate there.. wawawa

that was fun.. then headed for class and toked sumore in the bus..

so we did our own revisions and eg.. test was done via video.. but some of us didnt do it yet..

maybe this friday...

then we all wif izuaan, his new fren firdaus, then we took picture and stuff and hanged out at the canteen...

even mai was there.. haha.. we had fun joking around..

off to simei, met mira ans chit chat.. told her about mimi.. wtevr... haha..

then we headed off to training of which the trainer didnt come so eyla and the seniors took over..

skali no padding! damn!

so we did physical la.. so damn tiring..

my legs and arm are aching.,..

hmm tmr got aerobic, kickboxing-dance...

hmm planned to go eat tulang..

hmm jus see wat happens tmr..

hmm just now after trg met mamad.. wee... haha..

he went joggin literally from j.east to bnlay and was sweating all over.. haha..

i came back from silat, sweatin and smelling like a rotten moulded bread..

then slept in the MRt summore.. haha.. so funnie..

met him then we wandered off and went window shopping..

went to sports shops.. damn.. i want to go shopping wif mamad uh..

he find the best shops that always have great offers..

pa'kal tkder duit..

we walked home from jurong point..

then jumpe papa jap by chance..

kewl.. some how i missed papa..

hilang gian nk jumpe dier tadik..

haha..

miss him lak..

ok so went home..

he took my thumbdrive..

and *wee* he lets me borrow his expensive nike watch for the whole month!! weee!!

anw.. he took the thumb, it;s for his werk thingy la..

then transferred songs and i took his items in the phone..

wawa.. he called me "noty"!!!

wadd i do wrong sia..

it stroked a guilty nerve! now im damn guilty by doing it..

i dont know wheter i should do it again not.. now im scared..

takot dier marah..

see la.. paranoid ledi,,

hmm tmr nite he cmg again.. expecting him to come n collect white short for he's FI thingy..

think he'll P me not? haha

who wanna bet?

hee..

but well i know hym very well and i now he's responsible for his actions.. hmm

because of hym im got recognised as a good STAR as i chose hym as my role model and why i chose hym..

kewl huh.,. even when he's not there, he still helped me..

then i told hym all about the STAR roles and right and where i stand in the management team...

Im higher post then the 2nd mgr.. im almost the same as 1st asst mgr.. they r e right hand man of boss, i am the Left hand of the boss..

hmm really makes me feel big right?!

but tt is my role and my jobscope.. kewwl huh,

now i can rule.. wawawa..

then i sent hym home and went home.. then fought wif my mum..

even as im typing here, im still fighting..

im multi tasking..

i love to multitask.. helps me do things faster yet orderly..

a promt worker.. haha..

k la.. got to cont the fight.. wtevr...

riyan signing off..

My daes are gettin better..

Hmm no more signs of sadness..
im happy!! my depression gone for good?
hmm.. not realli sure..

Anyways, ytd nyte rite after i publish the last post(ytd), my home electricity died off.. damn.. my father didnt top up the P.A.Y.U (fyi, pay as you use) electric prepaid..
i was so damned pissed! my mum wanted to 'chalet' at Mak Teh's house and kebetolan, my hp prepaid was low! damn! smuer low..
im left wif $3 worth of sms or call till the end of the month.
I dont have anymore pocket money, and on tuesday CGC planned to go eat tulang at Beach Road.. Ayul nk blanjer lagik...
i feel so bad but hey, i realli appreciate hym caring for me.. I;m blanjerin you once i get my pay( if i get pay) and im gnna make u feel i appreciated it..
Now im so freakin 'frustrated' as im broke! Hmm..
_____________________________________________________________

Hmm.. well let me see woke up damn sweating, did a light shower as the water heater's not werkin wout electricity..durr!.. haha..
i totally imagined ayul screaming out loud when blistering cold water splashed on his skin.. hahaha.
"aaaaaaUUUUgggghhhh!!!!"

hmm got up, quickly changed and got out.. after i took the bus, i missed 174..damn! i was like fuck!
then i remember taking 154 to dover ytd..
i went to dover la via Mrt.. got down and tot i would find the bus stop svc 154 to get to King Albert Park..
damn it no such bus svc there, it's on the opposite..
asked the cust svc, the guy bodoh2 also dnt knw where it is.. BODOH!
then i found out bus 74 gets me there.. finally.. thank goodness i wasnt late!
_______________________________________________________________

Got to HQ, i saw atika studying wif sufri.. then wathey,cherilyn and sean taught me sum stuff before SAE Emma called us into the Hamburglar University..
. Corny name huh? it's the name of tt particular room..
before tt i went to the Gents..hmm one thing about the lavatory at HQ i is tt, it has class..
it looked like the toilets in TV shows 'Super Homes' or MTV 'Cribs'... it;s tt kewl!
and amazingly it is sooo damn clean n tidy tt i can swear to you, we can sit on the floor of the lavatory and have our meal..
We wont be affected by the odour as there are no odour! Amazing..
__________________________________________________________________

Got into class, this tyme my seat was changed. This time i get to sit with Jamie! kewl.. im soo damn excited and aroused.. haha! noty2!

hmm well today's agenda was SAE Kamsiyah's Hostessing and Hospitality class tt took 2 hours, MSME Angel's Communication Skills, then we'd have recaps, revision then the test... then we'd have games before our graduation hi-tea...

I volunterred a lot and won myself collar pins and other attractive Mcd Limited prizes.. kewl huh..
i now learned the art of speech articulation..notice i stress on this a lot..
it;s not easy man!, body language, how to communicate just by looking at reactions, how to handle complaints effectively, i now know that knowledge is super powerful..
if u have information at the tips of ur fingers, ppl get intimidated by you..
and from there, respect.. i know how to go the extra mile to provide excellent svc..

Well i really had fun today, we surprised atika, as it was her bdae tdae, happi bdae gerl.. she sooo cute.. but a bit minah la..
we held it during the hi-tea.. the food was super excellent man!
then we were dismissed and exchanged numbers.. all im concern is having jamie's only.. haha...
________________________________________________________________

Ok the plan of playing xbox360 w sayuri n ayul was cancelled instead, i met ayul at cck lot 1 there and took 172 to go Bnly..
i went along, hmm cant go shopping cntres when ure broke..
it pisses me off! i saw jackets tt are affordable.. ugh! focus!
my aim is to get an mp3 ferst, mayb samsung touch or creative zen mp3 or anything tt plays music! i nid music!!
ok so we got in 172, ayul gave me a tour of cck, showed me his place n neighbourhood.. blah3 then,
then bus got to 172.. i got super worried n sad of y mamad nvr msg me the while dae since ytd?
im super worried about hym..hmm wad happen agaknye?

then ayul followed me to Jw75 mcd for me to give the Fortune Board sticker wtevr! and headed out to my place.. i inserted the PAYU key and Voila! electric is on!! weeee!!!
he turned on my lappy, i turned on cable and amazingly, XMEN 3 was on StarMovies and XMEN 2 was on Channel 5...
We had and X-tatic time watchin mutants fight and stuff.. i wan Phoenix's powers! So powerful!
a Class 5 mutant.. having powers beyond her control; telekinesis...
on msn i msn-ed sayuri and etc.. and then sent hym home... real angry la.. he didnt get deferred.. im gonna miss him terribly.. ugh! im stuck wif boring noobs.. jus left eyla n ayin jer gerek!
________________________________________________________________

Back at home, i logged in to frendster and msn.. hey i msn-ed this gerl Irabelle.. amazingly she's like me.. hmmm my type of gerl? yeah mayb soo..
i am interested wif her.. she love fishing, sports and trainig.. tried FT once but rejected and joined retail in bishan..
i tried so hard to concience her to join FT.. we'd be great frens i tot..
hmm.. we exchanged number and hopefullly we;d hook up!. wee...

______________________________________________________________

ok la.. now im realli sleepy..
hitting the sack now..
nytes!
riyan signing off!

hmmm wad happend today...

Well let's see suppose to meet mamad for fishing rite but hey it was cancelled.. reminders: add me on frenster n msn: dralfariyan-89@hotmail.com...

hmm earli mornin woke up, took bus 174 to mcd HQ.. i was soo unmotivated! omg.. totally forced myself to go for the STAR class... i slept in the bus after i read the 'King Dork'.. then i really dragged myself la.. ayul n mamad both forced me to go too.. haix..

got in there.. i was so menyampah by 2 bapoks there.. not bapok xactly la.. more of lembot... there's onli three guys there.. me, this fat bap. named sufri n a big boss bap. named alvin.. wtever.. apparently they got someone from ireland to teach us communication skills, word articulation, pronounciations and more.. i was really amazed by the whole class.. i mean i thought i'd hate it.. i really hated mcd... i almost quit for the second tyme.. the trainer, Paula rowland from Lorna Whiston... maybe i will werk there part tyme uh.. it's fun.. they interact wif kids evrydae!

_____________went for break!________________

yawn! more mcd's fattening food.. i practically spend the whole day there.. amazingly i impressed ppl there.. haha.. they saed im too quiet la wad la cukop tym the LOVED me, well i guess my charm is still there huh.. thruout the classes, i saw this cute chinese gerl, jamie.. OMG! i couldnt stop staring her.. she almost caught me daydreamin in her face but i manage to phase out of my daydream to regain focus on ANGEL my big boss.. apparently SAE aunty Kam and Emma were really nice!! haha they realli took care of us, the STARs.. Omg i cant believe im falling back in love wif werking at Mcd..

Ok im gnna giv it another chance and im gnna try out for another attempt on mcd.. they thought me people skills and real good communication skills, balloon crafting.. i can craft pencil balloons now, anyone who wants animal balloons, i can make for you..haha provided the balloon is there la.. haha..

hmm after Angel;s class we took photo wif paula and ronald and i cant get my eyes off tt Jamie girl.. hmm im so menjeng sia.. apparently my urge to get a gf is like so strong becoz i have a BF!!! believe it or not! here's the story.. and NO friends IM NOT GAY!! he thinks i am! WTF!!

_______________________the GayBoy story..my nightmare_______________

ok.. here i was logged on in my msn..
suddenly pop-up, <::..MiMi...::> logged in..
i didnt know whu, i dun remeber accepting her at all!
the email: mimi15_zaini@hotmail.com (disp Name: Mimi...blahblahblah!)
readin the email, u tink a girl kn? the disp pic looked like Erica.. sol's gf.. she's hot!
so i tot, hey i finally got a gerl as hot as Erica!! haha
take note ----XXX--- (im thinking or toking on e phone w qahar..)

then,
start of conversation on msn:::(shorter version- mimi M, me R)
r: harlow..
m: hi..
r: whu r u?
m: i am mimi
r:(nie da part gatal la) hi mimi, ur intro?
m: 16 malay, u?
r: 19 M malay.. (i didnt notice 16 ??? malay!!)
m:ouhk... u attch?
r: currently no.. asl? u nak ke? hahakx
m: u da accept my frenster?
m: boleh jgak.. haha
m: u nak jadik mataer i?
m:hmm...
m: maen2 je..
---------part where i looked at the frenster--------
i was confused how cum all picture of guy, step cute lak tu..Matrep! *i tot*
my thinking *pompan nie kater single beh profile 'in the relationship'..not another bitch!*
i kena b4, her name Syirain.. i was wuite into her sia then she reject me..bitch! haha..wtvr..

r: where ur pic asl tkde?
m: ane boleh, ngok tol tol..

-----------still blurr---------------------then suspectin sumtin coz he's pics all so gay!-------

r: mimi, namer u ape tol2?
m: mimi larkz..
r:long name la u..
m: Muhd Hilmi bin Zaini...

-------Gulp!! i shoke!!! i cant believe this while i was chattin w a gayboi!! FUCK!!------

r: u like guys eh?
m: tao tkpe.. -----Double gulp!----i wanted to block him then tk smpai ati---ao i played along---
r: u tkder gf ke? asl nk jadi gay? ke u nie bisect?
m: bisect la.. knape eh..
r: u nk carik gerl ke boy?
m: hmmm ntah eh..
m: gerl bleh, boi blei ----FUCK!---
r: u mostly like guy la nie mcm nk i je?

----i was digusted while on the phone w qahar.. we're laughin off his lame invitation----

m: hmm blei tak?

-----qahar told mie to play along-----
r: blei... i oso bisect jgak..
r: ur frens tau tk u bisect? my frens tk tau sey ----laughing my head off w qahar!----
m: tao la..
r; u brape ex?
m: 13.. 9 guys..
m:previous guy mcm buto
r: asl? ------knon2 concern uh.. wawawa------
m: dun wanna tok abt it la...
m: u single kn? i amik u boleh?
------speechless-----
r: hmm ok jagk.. ape salah nye.. -----wwawawawa-----so bad kn maenkn ati org-----
m: hmm i da tk virgin tao.. my guy suker maen me..
r: maen? ur guy matrep? hansem sgt ke smpai kn u offer bdn u? braper kali u maen?
m: da lima kali..---WTF!!!!---hansem la.. matrep maner tk hansem..
r: u maen saket tk? dier cocok u ke u cocok dier? u pnah isap?
m: i suker org cocok i.. pnah la.. isap kan part of maen..

-------i was a bit nauseas and cough n cough..damn! blei vomit sia!-------
m: u nak maen ngan i? i kalo isap sampai terangkat tao.. matear i semuer tk lei dok diam pasal saket...

------------------------------OMG!!! buat dosa sak!!! hmm playing along!!!----------
r: tknk la.. i virgin...
m: virgin la bez.. ---i was scared.. on the phone, qahar laughin----
r: tknk uh i tk suker maen uh, goncang ajer...
m: i goncang kan la pas tu u maen i...

--------------i was disgusting and i needed an excuse to pause this.. too much to take in sia!----
r: u brb.. i nk gi toilet..
m: ok syg...

_i came back after a piss_there were his msgs flooding my msn--------

m: aper u buat goncang namer i eh? i cute tk u? ---Eww! asshole! he looked like kip!----
r: tk la u nie.. cute la.. tk cam i tk hansem...saper nk kan
m: syg, tk mo ckp gitu k.. walucamanr pon u tetap hansem bagi i... -----Wadddddd!!!!------
r: tapi u blom jumpe i lagik cam paham je ckp i hansem..
m: gambar u ader pe.. i da save gambar u pon... -----FUCK!!!!------
r: ok.. u uat aper?
m: u, i ngah saket uh, u maen i nk?
r: tknk la
m: u, maen la...
r: tknk la u nie...
-------------------for goodness sake, this continued for 3 minutes ok! i got angry la------
r: u i nak virgin la i tknk maen u..
m: tapi i nk maen u..
m: da la eh, u simpan u pnye virgin sua.

------eleh step mrajok plak... babi! haha.. then kononnye i tryin to be supportive la-----
r: u mrh eh?
m: da la ehk, u simpan u pnye virgin.._------cont for 2 mins same thing over n over----
r: kla kla kiter maen la..
m: pape arh.. num u apeR?
r:82545879

---------tt ass actualli called...------
m: asl org ciner yg angkat? num u aper nie?

------Damn! i tot.. qahar say jus giv ur real num---i did----he coled.. i acknowlegde heloo..then he put down----i was sooo damn digusted!!---

r: k la u i nk tdo nie-----damn disgusted----
m: k nite syg malam mimpikn i eh?
r: ok. bb. nyte
m:nyte syg... muackz.. *he sent kiss emoticon*----ugh!----
r: bye
m: sweet dreams syg...-----eeww...---he cont n cont then i juz log off----haha---

___________________________________________________________________

Omg i was sooo put-off.. i dint knw how to react! i pleaded qahar to act become "me" or at least be my "fake Bf" and f hym off... he agreed apparently after mocking me for hours.. idiot!

i was practically shivering n culdnt focus to sleep! this wouldnt happen if i went fishin! damn.. anw mamad saed he's cmg to my house tadik... maner dier?

i msged hym for like since 5pm... he saed tadik wanna meet at p.ris to watch his fren fishing, then when i got to dover Mrt, tk jadik n saed he cmg my house.. now 10plus readi.. cam paitao je.. hmm i cnt waet to tell mamad, ayul, eyla n ayin of this ridiculous story.. confirm they'll laugh and make fun of me.. hahaha.. idiots..

hmm i was chatting wif this gurl.. natasha.. so cute sia.. but she gt bf readi.. she ask me to sing for her one day. hmm a fan mayb? she's a dancer at kentridge sec.. she's 16.. quite hot.. she got my num and when she gt dance performance she'll sms m,e... wee im excited..

hmm skali amelia call la... (my boss)... she was like "can u werk? i need u on florr.. how was the class n etc" hmm concerned boss?
give it a month or two..

kk signing off...

It's all about being new.. or is it?

Ok here's the thing.. my old frenster account is so like spoiled.. sooo i created a new one.. and i tot it was easy, it's fcuking difficult!! hahaha but i managed to get thru it and i manage to complete evrything..



Here's my new email adress dralfariyan-89@hotmail.com.. add me on both frenster and MSN yeah.. dun forget tt!!



ouhkay, scoop on today..



i woke up extra earli and was on tyme, seeing ayul there.. for once! waiting for me.. ok.. he bought food from mcds.. i was like trying to avoid mcd when eyla decided to like eat there.. it tempted me and i also follow suit.. i was hungry.. then out of nowhere Chenie(senior STAR) came and tegor me and was babbering about tomorrow's STAR class.. which btw starts at 830am sharp! At king albert park which is somewhere near Ngee Ann Poly there.!!

Shucks im dragging this thing coz actualli i planned to go fishing tonight.. i feel so bad paitaoing mamad.. haix.. damned werk!

ok.. in schl, we were at BB tday instead of Clementi as we have a phase test on upper body strength; bench press 1 Rep Max.. dont bother trying to understand wat it is it's some fitness thingy.. so carine went thru my notes, eyla and ayul;s and we were dismissed.. and btw, the protocols were all done in writing ok.. handwritten! i was so tired writing those protocol prioritising the client's safety before evrything else.. haix! we saw how syafiq werks as a trainer as he showed e leg press machine, which we also write down the protocols.. tiring! sian!

so we were done for the day, btw, ayin was hospitalised for some asthma thig.. poor her. hope u get speedy recovery honey, actualli i wanted to visit her but the dad saed it's location is confidential.. wtever la.. bum bum, i miz u leii!! ahaha..

back to my story, we then headed to westmall as eyla n mary wanted to find some things at popular, when i saw novels... oMG! im so in love w books!!!
so i decided for us to go to the library!! i wanted to borrow something i could read.. to my surprise after i taped my card on the e-kiosk, i owed the library $32!! crap! i lost tt particular book uh!! damn it! dont know how to pay for it sia.. i got 'King Dork' by Frank Portman.. it's about this nerd tt found magic n wicca thingy from the basement tt can actualli tell how his father died.. hahaa.. ayul like totally helped me choose the book.. haha thx yul!

after tt we went home straight.. i read the book in the train non stop.. then i went home la.. haix.. i was bored.. fridays.. ugh! i drag it.. coz mamad started werk n stuff.. haix... then, suddenly he called.. i was excited he saed he needed white shorts n white socks.. FI thing.. i was like stunned.. coz i threw those away months before! Yikes! Skali someone perlu lak! so i saed i dint have it la.. he then saed "ok i'll just buy it la".. hmm then he hung up..

so back to my mundane life, i logged into MSN and chat with Viva.. aka yana.. haha
so funni, i asked her qns like for 20mins alry then she ask me, "btw., whu r u uh?" wtf!!!
i tot all this while she knew it was me.. hahaha VIVA, notice my name on my display name? "RIYAN" durr... hahaha
then i made her guess la.. she did but still didnt have a clue..
the next clue i gave her, "the one and onli guy, tt slap u...."
she went
"ffffaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!!!!"
.....ok... someone's excited to 'see' me.. hahahaha.. *gedish*

so we chat la.. behing mamad's back! wawawa... she read my blog n stuff.. hmm then mamad called... "can u come over my house now? i mean NOW!"
i was like.. OK! hahhaaha i wanted to get out of the house.. hahaha..

got to his place chit chat, told him abt viva's bimbotic moment.. haahaha.. laugh n laughed then we fell asleep with having HUDsoN's.. when he woke up, he siap and got readi to see his viva la.. wtevr.. hahaha.. he was toking n toking when suddenly, (seriuosly the ferst tyme ive seen this happein), his Hudson;'s fell out of his mouth, down and hit the floor and actualli bederai like glass crahing on a high distance! it was beautiful as the red candy like scattered all around my sitting area... and he gave this sinister-budak-jahat chuckle tt ayul also have.. hahaha and cleaned it mess up..

then he did the shuffling and running man... hahaha... "budak jahat buat kejer!" hahaha.. ayul would laugh at this! haha.. omg.. then standard he sent me home and went off..

i was like at home.. bored... till now.. haix.. i lead a pretty mundane existance without my besties la.. hahaha...

riyan signing off!

funny or not? i dnt knoe!!

hmm... hahaha.. i was laughing when i read my fwenster cmment.. tt tyme when i 'slapped' yana.. wawawa... NO peepz.. im not dayus.. i did a lil tippity tap on her cheek..hahaha..



ok the reason: i have a personalised handshake w mamad.. it involves punching our hands together.. it kewl when we do it live la.. apparently i gave him e handshake, then when i wanted to punch, yana's hand swerved from out of no where, i guess she wanted to salam me, punch my hand disrupting the whole handshake.. hahaha it was funni.. i got confused and punch evrythin ard there.. hahaha.. the i slap yana.. haha it made me snap out of the confusion and i punch mamad hand la.. it made evryone laugh! hahaha.. didnt know yana was tt sporting.. haha.. hearts u gurl! haha.. funniest moment yet!



hmm ok tday was a complete waste of my precious time.. like the rest of my daes in schl isnt wasting my tyme, but this was xtra boring n wasted a lot of my tyme.. i mean i could like spend the day w mamad at home singing songs n stuff or sumthin.. we didnt learn anything, azlan standard bbl merapukz! and i was beside ayul, but amazingly he didnt fart today.. amin! hahaa



Ok in class this is wad i did: yawn, urut ayin's leg which is super swollen, bitch ard wif eyla, layaning her newly found obsession Chris Brown.. hmm wonder what she'll do if din changed himself to follow Brown's fashion and danced like him? SHE'LL MELT! ahahaha.. she always melt when chris is mentioned.. funni.. N practically yawn towards wad azlan had to say which is so super not impt to me.. to me la at least.. hahaha..



hmm then calvin came upfront... i thought noooo.. spare me the basketball talk.. he is a die-hard fan or basketball... somthing like ayul.. die die also ARSENAL la his place of worship! da la smlm kalah.. hahaha.. then he talked abiout his werk place hiring ppl.. as.... CAMP INSTRUCTORS!!! aaaa i loveeeee camps!!!!!! im so joining.. of course the campers of YOUth camp signed up!! i cant waet to werk!!! weee!!!!



ok.. today, CGA,CGB,CGK n CGL is not in clementi... CGC is the onli class that survive on clementi.. wtf! as usual la.. tt guy tk abez2 wif girls.. after one gerl to another.. so menyampah.. haix.. dissapointed in him la.. he say things bout other ppl womanizer la wad la then he himself does it.. dont call me ur homey anymore dude.. one thing i cant stand is jerks.. other than bitches... a guy bitch is werst! hmm tok abt bitches...



jus now went to mamad hse again and like usual hang out and sing songs.. this time we sang no one, apologize and tonight.. he even learned the guitar tabs for me to sing along.. we had fun,.. then standard he siap2 to mit yana.. while he went out, i watch Britney spear's videos Gimme More and Pieces Of me.. SO bitchy! i loike!! hahaha.. u wanna piece of me? hahaha

hmm now im hooked on leona lewis song.. bleeding love.. OMG.. so sweet.. hmm realli makes me think... wheter my future GF, whoevr u r will bleed love for me.. as i would for her..

"i dont care what they say, im in love with you..." a part of the song.. short yet strong huh?

hmm riyan sign off!

Finally an 'UP' in my down life.. w bestie shots!

Bestie shot!

Hey ya, today is a happy day for me like finally.. after all the downs in my life..

today when i was gg to schl, btw i was super late.. class start at nine.. i woke up, 845am!!! so i rushed, wif the fcuking headache tt i have from the sickness, the damn sore throat.. ugh! i hurts.. i forced myself coz i buay-ed ayul's lunch date ytd. so im trying to make up the tyme.. by doing trg la.. but i cant breathe properly camner nk trg? so i just watched then came ernie.. suro org saket urut!!! energy aku abes sejap.. hahaha.. lagi2 i hab to urut eyla lagik.. hee.. she got back ache.. hmm ape buat nie sampai gitu? itu pon nk lawan utk silat.. tk yah la.. look after ur back k gerl? it's more impt..

hmm back to when i was late.. ok.. im on the train and it's taking damn forever to reach BB so i was pissed abt it plus my head was spinning.. i couldnt find the damn panadol and wout it im like stone.. FYI, when im sick, my mood is super duper bitchy!! watch out ya.. hahaha

___________________________________________________________________

ok so the train reached jurong east, tyme for me to make the transition to the middle platform.. i stood in front of the door as i used the door as a support for me to hold on to as i was 'high'.. on my right was this malay makcik and this malay lady. on the left this middle aged chinese man.. we were the onli four trying to alight from the train..

Train rule. LET THE PASSENGERS ALIGHT BEFORE BOARDING THE TRAIN.. right?! the ppl at j.E was sooooo damn kanchiong, they stood in front of the door leave onli a quarter of an inch to the door.. i was freaking pissed, the door havent open yet, i was planning on how to manoeuver my way thru the crowd.. as im sick, i always go wif instinct.. not my thinking.. so my instinct? Push these idiots down.. with my body size, that is super possible.. but i havent done it before.. since im alry pissed, i got into RUGBY position. the moment the door opened, GEBOOOM!! some of them almost fell on the ground. i made a pathway for the four of us to get out safely.. the ladies? they were smiling wif joy n victory!!! hahahaha i felt so victorious.. haha!!

Bestie Shot!

then i got to cl;ass.. 940am!!! but muthiah dnt know i came late!! he though im rebelling against him for not getting in the right attire for gym practical and stuff.. WTF! should do it more often.. wawawa.. ytd, carine thought i went to schl.. when i came to schl to watch the kickboxing thing at dance room.. she asked me " why u nvr join them?" Waaaaddddd!!!! i was super shocked mann.. all the while they tot ive been in schl!! and not woried tt i may not come.. tk sadar ke aku tkd? they tot im there hahahaha..



ok la after class msg mamad.. b4 tt follow the guys..(eyla, zetti, izwan, ayul, qahar, ekin n miza) go makan at BK.. i tot i had $$ but then biler parrt order, OMG!!! no money!!!! i was shocked!!! i apologized to ayul.. we're suppose to share money to buy the buddy meal.. then ayul blanjer me.. again... im so malu.. i dnt knoe how to pay him back sia... malu!!

___________________________________________________________________

Bestie Shot!

i ate then went back to meet mamad.. im soo excited.. hahaha ytd nvr mit hym knoe.. im like waitin for him to come.. then he wanna spend tyme ngan papa.. shouldnt stop him rite.. famili always first!

hmm so.. i reached his place he wasnt there.. dier pi pasar daa.. hahaha. after tt i hang out wif hym... talk n talk.. hmm then he decided to cook! so i prepared myself la... i love his cooking.. coz ita like mine.. haha.. dulu la..now i forget how to cook.. i cut the garlic, onions, help him here and there and burnt my finger-hair while lighting up the stove.. hahaha
he did too.. belo! haha.. ok bile lit je, the fire died! NO MORE GAS!!! aaaaaaa!!! hahahaha.. so funni.. u know wad we did? sat down and drink his teh he made for us..

then the gas person came.. the bill? $30!! wtf!!! smuer naek!!! wtever la.. then when we cook we sang and sang.. then after cookin, ain came and added some ingredients here n there.. then mamad took out his guitar and the 3 of us sang our hearts out hahaha... then i told mamad bout my mum wanting to book a chalet for my bday!! im soooo excited.. then he asked on wat dae la.. i saed fri-sun.. and he agreed as those r the onli daes he's free.. hahaha i told him.."my birthday is not a birthday wout my bestfren around.." haha.. it touched him.. hahaha.. then the conversation bloomed into what happened at the last bdae.. i saed i initially wanted to buy him a brand new guitar but i lost so much cash.. damn.. planned it for 3 mths know.. then nid to use the money lak.. so i bought him this fancy bag.. just for him.. hahaha.. some ppl got jealous then say this " he nvr get u anything for ur bdae why bother?".. hahaha wrong step dudes n dudettes.. my sinis mouth saed this "nak belikan org sesuatu tk semestinye nk ader balsannye.. aslkan hati tu ihklas, org appreciate whatever u do for them.." hahaha kan da terdiam! Nvr challenge me in mouth-offs u r most likely to lose out.. my suggestion.. unless u wanna take up e challenge, bring it on! hahaha... then mamad saed stuff tt realli touched me la about niat n stuff.. hahaha...

Bestie Shot!

touching mann.. hearts u bro.. hahaha... he then got ready, went off wif me, sent me home and went to meet B.. hahaha.. yana.. he's such a kindered spirit haha so kind isnt it? hmm his GF is lucky mann.. he even bekal-ed her the nasi grg we cooked and i fried the egg for herr hahahah.. it's the thought tt counts wadd.. hope u like my egg yana! haha.. hmm now im msning wif ain.. haha.. she liked my blog! wee... a fan!! hahaha

riyan out! ;0)

What a damn roller coaster man!

Thing that happen to this bloke, realli makes me feel sorry...

Tonight-Fmsts

To grams:

"Tonight I've fallen and I can't get up I need your loving hands to come and pick me up And every night I miss you I can just look up and know the stars are holdin' you, holdin' you, holdin' you tonight"

Ohk see.. im now stuck to this song.. Tonight by fmsts.. it's so what i feel.. thanks to ayul for the song.. now im hooked.. wee..haha

The followings.. will be jiwang n saddenin.. bout my life...

Ok apparently my life didnt realli got well in fact it got werst.. ok here's the thing.. im 24.7 sad for god knows what.. all i can come out wif is tt;





1. im still single, and i dont have a lover's shoulder to cry on.. my lovers? my bestfrens but the lover im refering to is the one you'll die for no matter wad happens.. i fell out of love soo much that im not starting to not believe in LOVE anymore.. why does god always have to test me on this? i keep failing the love test..


it may be easy for Kip to say " i now hate girls and i want to be gay!" by the end of the day even if ure gay, u r gg to get married.. takkan nk kahwin laki kan?! but have he thought even if ure gay, problems will still arise! if heteros are having problems what about the homos? or the bis? easy to say but it's not easy done.


ok at least Kip he has had GF and now if he wants a BF.. wtever.. as a fren i can onli support. im tt pathetic that im inviting more enemies than fren n lovers. and ppl say im choosy.. ok here's my reason.. i cant date dork, idiots and 'bu-bu's.. theses gerls tend to piss mie off real fast.. besties out there.. you know my mouth right it's super2 sinis.. i am one person, dapat mulot sinis tapi tk suker singgung kn hati org.. i care about ppl.. esp my loves besties eyla, ayin, yan, ayul, mira and anna.. ppl i didnt mention dun worri.. i have love for u guys too.. my love is unconditional.. but i feel tt these ppl are the closest to me yet and are always there for me in various tyme and ways and have the xtra 'umph' in them esp yan.. the one i can never replace.. he's like a role model and an idol.. ok my problem is why cant i fall in love with someoe that loves me.. im not in this stupid love thing for sex.. i for one anti-sex.. it's a sin! get it in your head ppl!! if i have crushes it's always the lower class bitches tt is making a fool of themselves, having affair behind their bfs.. then want me.. wat u tink i am? wif him ure like tt.. wif me? im a spare tyre is it? i call myself an empath cause it's my pain and other's misery tt im feeling.. im constantly sad and at this rate i think i nid to talk to a shrink.. im realli2 shrivelled down to this puny guy.. my self esteem went down, my pride torn im soo damn angry+sad+despair.. i cant seem to see hapiness in my life.. i only get it wif my besties.. hmmm this is nvr ending.. so im gonna break it up..





2. my family.. constantly in a chaotic position.. this is wat my dad sent to my mum via sms... and i quote "Hey pompan, laen kali soal duit atau apa mntak sndiri jgn ajar anak2 biadap suro mintak2 duit. laen kali klu tak tau mengemis sendiri jgn suro bdk2 tau! bodoh!"


Now let me ask you.. put urself in my shoes, how u feel? i am everlastingly sad plus this in my family.. now my house is runnin on a dollar worth of PAYU electricity.. tonight, i might not have apiair... im realli pissed... On top of that.. my mum is constantly making noise saying this and that.. she kicked me just now.. of course it didnt hurt a bit, im in silat and ive fought better fights all she managed to do is pushed me agaisnt her washing hanger thingy she use to dry clothes.. she damaged it.. stupid right.. then bingit sendiri.. u imagine 85kg of matter agaist a 10kg wire line.. wouldnt it bend and break? bodoh tk buat kejer? even wen mamad is ard she;s there mengomel ajer and dun be surprise.. my fcuking dad also memekak.. for goodness sake ure suppose to be out of this house! FYI my parents are divorced. im not ashamed to say it but this particular divorce HURT me.. a whole lot.. imagine the two ppl whu once love each other and it's their love that brought me up is now maki-ing each other calling names and such and since im the sulong, im always in the fights.. it either me vs dad or me vs mum or me vs mum n dad or me vs sivlings... evryday of my life since the divorce, all i have done is fight and it's so bad that it made me a BITTER person.. im lost. i dont know how to differenciate ppl's emotions anymore! tt's y i find myself pissing ppl off.. and my 'jokes' or mostly the things of what i say is constantly hurting ppl... i have never spoke a word of happiness already.. it's been 3 mths and it realli changed me.. no werds of happiness made me this bitter and pitiful person, and im afraid at this rate im gonna lose the ppl i love the most.. i alry lost my cousins, they're now masks tt are trying to be nice when i sincerely know they're not wad they preach and i know it;s all fake.. but since they're blood, i have no choice..kinship is important in an individual.





3. schl is gwtting tough.. werk, i cant werk.. i cant werk.. i cant werk... somehow werk makes me depressed! it's depressing... realli2 depressing.. i dun know y.. but it is.. but wout werk, no money.. see the prob.. irony isnt it... something tt is suppose to help me financially is actualli making me sad all the tyme..





Why am i SAD?! it makes me realli angry to be sad!!! i want to scream!!!! aaaaaaaa!!!!





hmm.. gud thing ytd mamad stayed over my place.. though he was sick and i was sick we took care of each other.. he sick i gave him meds and stuff.. and in the morning i had the werst sore throat and headache tt i didnt go schl and he put Vicks on me.. how sweet is tt? i think somehow or rather, mamad is not a fren but a family.. a brother.. around him i dont feel like he's a fren.. i feel like we're kins.. family.. brothers.. he is seriously the place where i sense the sense of being around a family... my only family.. everyday i thank god for kurnia-ing a friend like him.. not a fren.. a brother.. one i never had and one i never thought i never had.. that's how im bersyukur of having him as a bestie...





then when he's gone there's ayul.. 24.7 caring for me.. always checking out if im ok and stuff.. always there for me to get the anger i feel for ppl and vent it on him... he;s tt patient! i salute him! he's there when im broke.. providing me attention when i need it.. console me when im crying.. but a lil bit playful.. but he's like you know. mamad the 1st brother and yul would be the 2nd one..





eyla.. the gurl tt truly understand my anger my rant my everthing... she's the gurl i bitch around with.. the one i always approach if i have problems beyond mamad and ayul's control.. the one i fiind to cry on.. the one always advising me to calm down and be patient and it troubles me a lot to see her cry or sad... the sister i never had...





then came ayin.. the manja gerl... the one i hug and hug and hug.. she's like my personal live teddy bear.. though she may not be good in advising... she made it werst when i shared the grandma thingy.. haha.. but all she meant was for good causes.. yeah.. the adek i wante.d..





annnddd ayu... though she's not tt close wif me.. she's the one wif umor... she knows whats she's toking abt and id always there to explain and advicxe and help if im in need,, thanks ayu..





that;'s the ones tt so far has been there for me and i know.. thruout my whole blogin posts ive always mention them... they r whu thry r.. my frens.. my bestfrenss... my brothers.. sister.s... the one's i can clique wif.. the ones i realli relate to.. hmm if u were me... will you feel BERSYUKUR? everyday i pray so that they;re always happi and healthy and always there for mie..


P'S dnt forget ayul's and mamad gf.. they help a lot too... thx Sayuri n B.. love u gals..





riyan signing off....

I'll like to dedicate this post to my late grandmother.. Wan Banon.. I LOVE You So Much!!!

I dedicated this in memory of my grandma.. Wan Banon..

Kembali ke rahmatullah 31 Dec 07..

Hey ya'll hmm since the sunday ayul tk ajak klua and no response from mamad, i decided to wake up late..and missed the trip to visit my grandma.'s kubor.. haixx... they went in the morning.. this is twice in the row!!! aisyh!!!



Yuo know i've been listening to NO ONE by alicia keys non stop.. all i can think about is the unconditional love tt my grandma use to shower mie wif.. today went to mak teh's house.. she left the room exactly like how my Wan would leave it, all her medications were all they prepared for her... her bed made up soo like how she;'d do it.. and it's cleaned daily.. i suddenly felt a gush of super sadness.. it's heartbreaking but i like it to stay tt way.. it's the way for mie to get reminded of her... then suddenly my mind opened up and was so tempted to look at old photos .. well you know.. i saw her pictures... in phones all my cousins kept her picture under "i miss u","my grandmother", "miss you so".. shouldnt have looked huh? realli got me seriously sad... haix nie la dugaan illahi that;s brought upon me...



If i go Busu hse also it's the same.. the room is left untouched.. it';s l;ike how she'd leave it.. the toilet and stuf.. It's her rooms that is the place for mie to hide and cry my heart out.. then emerge out of the room... and the family will thought i made a long phone call joking wif my frens on the phone... well the truth is im still heartbroken by this whole event.. expecting her to be there.. it's really hard to move on but im trying my best... a month is almost passing by.,. why am i soo darn affected? im afraid ppl might get sick of me always sharing the story of how i miss my grandma.. coz i keep toking abt her.. she's my place of emotional attachment other than my mum, yan ,yul and eyla..

that's her.. my bestfriend.. yup my granny... my bestfriend.. my love... my.. haix.. really miss her... frens out there... bear with me ya.. im emotionally sliced in the heart coz of this loss.. i dont know how long i can TAHAN.. so please bear wif me.. i have noone to turn to... haix.. right now, bloggin this itself is making me tear out..im cryin now.. haix.. shakin..

i was wif ayul on msn... i was askin him who cooked his food.. he saed his grandma.. it stroke a nerve.. i was shaking.. i got all teary.. but he did apologised but hey.. it's not his fault..

msg for ayul: it's ok.. im tryin to move on.. dont feel guilty.. i felt sad by myself not because of u k...

hmm im signing off..

Some Photos From YAn's POP

Hmm.. his gurl, his best fren and him.. Count himself lucky! hee!

Hahaha.. i took papa's picture while we were foolin aroung the catering area!!

Bestfriends for life.. We make each Other Proud!

Well that's all im willing to upload.. took hours! haix.. hahaha.. till next tyme!

It didnt go as planned but...

Well yesterday didnt happened as planned though i had fun talking to hyrul and stuff and making fun of him.. taunting him, disturbing him... the reward? that priceless face you get for disturbing him tt eyla wishes to smack it wif a saucepan! wawawa....

Ok so in the afternoon i did get along with hyrul and i was realli super tired from friday.. of course i had to complete the 2-day fasting phase (Muharram thingy) and saturday (the 2nd day).. it was a drag cause im tired and i was sick, so right after i sent hyrul home, or at least till the bustop, least i can do, i headed straight home, back on the bed turned on STARWORLD and watched the heroes weekend marathon till i fell asleep of course they showed the previous episodes, the ones i've watched so i fell asleep..

Got up around 6 or 7pm, i continued watching the HEROES marathon and waited for Yul n Mamad as they's suppose to be at my house after it got dark..for the sleepover.. i was so engrossed with 'completing' watching the Heroes saga that i lost track of time and soon enough it reached the eleventh hour. Right at that time, i thought, hey why not get something for mad and yul to eat right, for later.. Kebetolan my mum called and voila! asked the qn.. " wat do you wanna have tonight".. my eating has been irregular lately due to the fasting.. but its a good thing though.. im losing tonnes of fats.. diet doesnt kill right... hee.. so back to the story, i answered "ok la.. buy me tulang and lots of it".. the other time ayin n qahar stayed over at my place, my mum bought tulang but it wasnt enough so i thought since yul n mad are big eaters i hope by buying more might help..

so my mum bought the tulang and i waited and waited but noone showed up at the doorstep and it was pass midnight. so i thought yul cant make it la.. he did say he's still at his fren's so i gave it a pass la.. And kept waiting for mad.. but he still havent showed up..

12.25am usualli the last bus from Boon Lay, i got worried la.. stupid things started to flash in my head thinking of what exactly might have happen to both of them or mad for instance.. the last bus is about to leave and it did.. the last bus wouldve reach my area by 12.35am.. It did, but still noone.. so i thought ok.. wait till around 1am.. Who knows mad might walk from the interchange so i waited.. my mum came home with the tulang and still noone...kinda disappointed but i did njoy myself..hee!

So, i just ate the tulang with my brother and continued the marathon... so practically i was up till 5.30am.. completed the saga marathon and noone showed up.. i guess mad n yul was too tired la.. so nevermind, there's always next week...

i so cant waet for the new season to start... Tuesday 9pm.. kewl!

The Big Friday...

Hmmm it's the friday.. the end of the week kinda sad coz i wont get to see my cl;ose frens but hey.. it's e beginnig of e 'hols' haha..

ok.. planned on this day.. 1. Go to yan's POP.. 2. n many more.. so...

Ok the test.. i totally like scored 20 over 25.. coz i miss this question which was at the tip of my tongue.. Ms Carine even gave me several clues to wad the werd is but i got sooo tongue tied that i flipped! The qn.. What is the coronary disease tt is associated w high bld pressure.. the clue... S-T........-E... it was there but the exact moment i went out of the room!!!!! "STROKE!!!" i was like fuck!!! damn it!!!

Oh well bukan rezeki kiter ape nk buat.. But i managed to pass 4 qns out of the 5 being asked.. wawawa!!!

Ok so after the test me, hyrul, ayin n eyla went to makan, which i didnt eat but almost gave up my fasting... until they got angry with me.. haha..
but i appreciate it.. it means they care!

then i went home, got a shower but by then i was too tired to move.. even out of the house..when i already promised a lot of ppl tt im cmg.... what drove me moving? this thinking.. "My bestfren is counting on me to come... come for the sake of him!!"
So i went la.. dont wanna dissapoint my bestest best fren here..
s
So i went and met yana.. zara cdnt make it.. and met papa n e rest of the family... wow they were so dress formal and im in t-shirt n jean..wassup wif tt?
....In the tshirt which ayul bought for mie.. awww so sweett... haha..

Well we met up and took 172... i was sooo eager to see yan march!!

like totally excited.. plus knowing the fact tt he's gnna be the next F.I.. soo proud of him..
haha.. my sucessor.. cam paham!

haha.. ok so we went there, the waet for those damn reviewing officers which took sooo long, tt thy're practically wasting my tyme and making the POP marchers tired.. they've like been standing there for hours from 10am.. under the god damn hot sun...

Ater that i saw the beautiful marches, the fanning n stuff..inspiring me and makin me proud of yan as, he's the squad leader, standing in the middle, upfront n centre of his entire squad plus the whole parade square... hmmm it's like watchin my big brother doing the marches.. hehe.. but so far so good.

it was amazing! then they shouted "P.O.P.O." and threw their police caps and hugged each other n stuff it was so touchin, some even cried.. i was like awwwwwwww....

then they had dinner wif him at the harmony hall, which i cant enjoy.. but me and papa fooled ard so much tt we're crackin each other up!

and then we left for home, i went to his place and buker puase... and he made mie this super nice teh tarik from scratch!

Sometimes it realli makes me think, "im very lucky to have a bestfren like him. u noe, realli know how to take care of his fren and stuff".. well im soooo like braggin about him right now.. tt;s wadd ppl will find irritatin abt.. wtever...
after tt we're of to bedok making our way to ECP for the BBQ..

We reached there and those guys were expectin yan to bring a chick but instead his bestfren so they were like quite 'furious' bout it.. it shows in their faces..

one werd for these ppl? "Assholes" they are fcukers that fcuk gerls as if they're toys and the gerls are sooo cheap, i have no cmmts..

wth! then we were like sharing ghost stories.. of course i realli felt uncomfortable wif these ppl.. they drink la, smoke la.. yg da pegi haji pon samer! touch gerl's in ways tt's so rude..

i was like "nevermind, njoy urself for yan's sake" and jengjengjeng apparently yan felt the same way as i felt... UNCOMFORTABLE and we were soooo prepared to go home then we decided to go to the nearest jetty and lepak there..

we ended up falling asleep and BITTEN!!!!, by damn cratures!!!,

i swear if i found out wat bit mie, im gnna kill it! then we went for wash-up, i sahur, and we went making our way to the MRT and thruout the line and thruout the journey we were snorin! hahaha, me in particular.. imagine tdo terngangah!!! in the train!!! hahaha

hmm so far i had fun, then yan went off at j.east as he had a class at BBDC and then he'll proceed to WildWildWet wif yana and her family.. he has discounts mah..
well i got in for free the other tyme.. banyak members wadd.. tau org dalam..hahaa...

hmm tnite im expectin himla.. we;'re having a sleepover.. movie nyte-sleepover.. kewl huh? it'll be kewler if hyrul can join in..
good thing he borrowed me his camera, took lots of photos but this camera..ATE up a lot of battery energy!!! lagik dier blei kater, standard uh!! wtf! ahahahhaa

hmmm.. now it's 12pm and im waiting for hyrul to come la.. he's gnna pick up his camera and then mayb after tt meet sayuri n stuff....
sooo kewl... spend afternoon wif hyrul and the nights wif yan.. A BESTIE's day today.. hahaha..

that is how much i loved my frens hehehe esp my besties!!!

hmm hope to have fun.. u guys have fun too!!! be my bestie and u'll the e main subject of evry single conversation...wawawa..IN A GOOD WAY TT IS.... weeee......

Hmm what now? Im going out in a couple of minutes so this is a very short post..

Hey hey hey

thought i would just give a short "wat'z-happening-soon" to ya,

hmm just got back after a HOT day in school.. and after gg to Clementi Police Post.. tman ahlau go and get sumtin done..

Spend'ed' time with my besties eyla, ayin and ahlau eating at a kopitiam ahlau used to eat... whennnnnnnn IM FASTING! hahaha
i was soooo tempted to eat sia...

now im gg to visit yan at his POP with yana and his family... im kinda paiseh since Zara backed out last minute and Ayin cant follow.. then im stuck wif yana... and his family!!! im soooo paiseh.. time check it's 3.06pm.. im meeting them at Boon Lay MRT 3.30pm... so i betta hustle up and like get dressed.. soo wad ever happens im going to blog later la..

I'll blog about wat happened in schl just now.. me n my pathetic test... darrrnnn it i scored 20/25!!! i missed tt question!!!!! argh!!!

till later ya..

riyan..

The first ever post

What made me want to reopen a blog?

Hmmm my life is not exactly going the way i wanted it to be..

Let's count the blessings i got so far.. Bestfrens.. Hmm.. let me see, Anna&Amira (the 2 from my bitchy past till now..) love u gerls..

The guys that will never give up on me and will always be my 'abangs'..Mamad n Ayul... They helped me thru a lot.. mamad really looked after me in the past... Feel indebted to him... He changed me from a pitiful soul to this person now, bloggin bout it... Ayul took over him when mamad wasnt there for me and i felt that these two guys are actualli one of a kind.. Im Veri pleased to have them in my life.. I went thru a lot with them esp after my grandmother's death..

Yeap.. that's what been buggin me.. im so depressed right now.. pathetic isn't it...
Her date: 31st December 07.. Well well the last day of that year that i sworn i will never like.. 3 days prior to that.. i was the normal jerky-bitchy ass jovial guy that evryone knew.. who's jokes were often funni but slightly rude..now ive shrinked into this quiet person that i dont know how'd it happen and my jokes are often rude beyond the normal rudeness that it's pissing ppl of on a major extent.. is that even the word for it?

What other pathetic things that r happening to me or has had happened? well my parent's divorce... it's tearing mie into pieces.. im practically dying here.. my dad with his irresponsibilities.. my mum and her rants.. cant realli blame her... can i? i lost my grandmother and im so blue and almost dying.. she lost her mother... wat a devastating blow huh? then the divorce case? which used a whole lot of money that left us superrrr broke.. and my dad is still living with us? wtf is that right? he still think tt he has a chance at having us in his custody when my mum won it fair n square...

The custody, a small victory, the siblings are the hell tt came the victory.. four of us.. me, im stuck with my own problems... a brother that thinks he owns everthing and it's really pissing me off.. a sister that i can't control..who's future is whatever.. and the fourth one.. cry baby.. realli sick of her crying all the time.. too pamperd and my mum pampers her somemore.. so practically an average day in my life will be being pissed off at them or miserable by myself.. crying inevitably by myself... pathetic! a guy who's crying.. pathetic!

Whatever.. since November life has been hurtful for me.. the paternal side of the family also is not helping,.. they're rubbin it in into the divorce.. one thing i can say to them.... FUCK YOU! i guess u'd derserve a thousand of those.. u guys has been at this, making me miserable since i was small.. and at my 18th bdae, they made it werst... im passing if off la.. dont wanna tok abt it.. the maternal side was awesome until the cuzzins decided to make evryone hate me becoz they're o longer the well-liked ones in the family.. wtever la.. u guys know wad you did la eh.. ur mistakes ur own shame...

enough of my hated la... hmm.. i wanna change... i wanna move on... well it's not as easy as it seems... i almost sued a classmate because he was too violent with me.. wtever... hmmm.. thank goodness i have ppl like eyla and yati(yul's gerl) for me to tok things out.. thanks guys...

now my family is realli not doing well.. my mum has to change jobs.. blahblahblah...

sux huh... hmmm ok here's wad the change i wanted to do.. be as religious as possible.. coz it's gnna help my grandma in her alam bazarhk.. watever the spelling is... im so not in the religion.. i've lost my touch... im gg to be the alim one in the family... that;s wat im gg to achieve this year.. i'll try as hard as possible... i wanna pray.. realli get into it with god...

let's just see la wadd happens... i almost gave up but this phrases is always gnna be stuck in m y head "kesabaran itu adalah separuh dari iman" so i have to be patient... and 'mengalah itu tidak bererti kalah" so more patience here.. and "semua ada di tangan tuhan".. you get the point..

Patience is something difficult for me to handle.. and to have.. that's y it's the challenge im gg to take up upon.. so brace urself.. im going to be patient... insyallah...